Sunday, June 03, 2007


Standing up together, hands together we screamed "I love it, I love
it, I love it" with gleam as the dream came closer. We marched like
soldiers to the line, "forwards" and "backs" as our spirits made our
potentials unlimited.

From the opponent, The ball was kicked off and straight to the back ,
caught by a "back'', hands gripped tights , feet ran fast forward,
past the "forwards", until a tackle beat everything but her spirit,
she release the ball turning it over to her side as the ruck begin
and ends as we win the ball, "line �ups" made continue to save the
ball, "flankers" continues to run and almost there I look up to see
her sore as another of the other team threw her to the floor.

broken by a silent cry, I stand higher for her then for I as my
voice fades, sweat dripped into my eye, burning it equally as the
inner flames of winning tortured me and I knew what I had to do and I
knew I could "try"

I backed away to see clearly what was going on in the game and as I
thought of a plan, I saw a girl of the other team pick of the ball
and ran, as I wish to start over again to be there when demand
instead of how I vainly stand while the opponent wins again
water drew near as silence grew more as we glance to see them kick
and miss, we smile ready to run a mile as the game begin again,
ignoring the hurts of our body we march on.

Playing again I made it my day to make a way as I use my body to
bring them down, crossing the line, allowing the "scrum". Being in
the middle, I rose my foot as the ball rolled cowardly down the grass
frighten by cleats and future torture, I pointed my toe, touching the
ball as I prayed it'll go back, and back, to the "backs", "winning"
and won as I heard the words "ball out" we all filed out, positioning
right, maintaining our fight.

5 minutes left in the game as we told ourselves the lie, 2 more
second, must go on and we pulled on, communication was strong,
strategies that we brung from practices that seem long, we used,
continuity helped us win as we demanded the other team to overwork,
teaching them the word failure as we won.

Later alcohol praised the score, denying the sores as celebrated
without bore thinking evermore of stories that can be told. As food
was eaten, cups flips by games, our heart warm with the name, Rugby,


Monday, July 25, 2005

Free Style

Giving it up for the same, just to get to remain
and my pockets stay evergreen
as i continue to stay low on the scene
victims to the blood and those spoken up as love
fighting off the stranger even tho with them i am not in danger
learning the alternative while forgeting what i was taught to live
love my 'love' while not acknowledging what's above
hunger stops as i feeds it with evil
and to repent, i need to....

i walk in circles just because
it resemble that gold wire around my neck that i love
chain to currency because honestly it makes motivation grow in me
pet names turned into bad names
so honesty and straight- forwardness is the new game

the morning is my friend even tho i wake up again to hear another morn and
phone calls from my friends sound like another loan and
the game of being nice and 'ideal' cannot be won
i am no different then the next other then choice
but i still see myself in a life, not given a choice

18 years and more to go
million lives to touch before i move on and so
speaking and writing whatever i decide and
walking and doing whatever i decide and
only to be reviewed in the end, stressing my sin
but right now i can only believe in love as i free style with life and look above

so chec-check me out, Be free to see my style, aiight........

Monday, July 18, 2005

To My Love~Chriz Wilson ♥♥♥♥♥♥

Dear Pacman ♥♥♥♥

Your feel is like a breeze flowing across me slowly, I escape the world as our tongue circulate bringing me into a world where no one exsist but us, not even insecurity know this place.

You mirror back me, repeating things I never said, "Complete-ly yours," I think as I look towards the future. Spending time together, spins us together connecting us on a new level every new time we see each other and I am satisfied and I feel loved and I love and know it's true.

Shy Chi

Thursday, July 07, 2005

4 (four) pages from the heart

Page 1 of 4

I don't know my blood.
The people that share my heart makes tears fall
I run away a lot while problems follow
I'll swallow my pride to fix a problem
Smiles stay on my face in an oppressive atmosphere,
I am broken inside
Unique by decisions, similar by experience
I am not alone but fight alone because I can't tell who's who
Different activities to satisfy my different personalities
Confliction and contradiction arise as I try to be true

As I walk pass some, so I won't have to fight all battles
Survival is prioritize, being a friend is not
Social and isolated, bold and timid
Overall humble, overall angry because I
Feel self-vulnerability to everyone else, being their prisoner
Tangible solutions for intangible problems
Alcohol for emotions, drugs for hurt
And death for life, I watch them leave and I stay
but only to help another survive
The generation next needs me, I believe as I advocate for improvement
I scream my lungs out to allow fairness to be heard
and stand and wait
and write and write to make right

Page 2 of 4

I listens to the wind's songs of sufferings from the ashes of the dead
It's breeze continuing in a repititive circle allowing the world to turn
I learn from the past of others to make my decision smarter and stronger
The labors of this world kills, so I refuse to go into labor for life
But instead I'll adopt the unloved and forgotten
Giving hope and love to an ophan or those unwanted
born from lust rather than love
Teaching them to look for answers in the sky above

I wish I didn't make so many mistakes,
mistakes that I regret, mistakes that I repeat
My compulsiveness make tempting things seem justifiable
The road to heaven is narrow and I am wasting time instead of walking
I grow maturer with understanding
And I hope that one I'll know what it means to be happy
I found it easy to learn hopelessness, unlearn it, and relearn it again
Joy is a hard word to define, I see it, touch it, and then lose it
5 minutes on a rollarcoaster and it's gone
It never comes home with me
It's unclear to me of how it works
Because it makes me happy to make others happy.
But sometimes other's happiness is produced by my disadvatages and some how consumes my esteem.

Page 3 of 4

Looking in the mirror, I am blind to the past of the past of the land of my homeland
as everyone fills it's history with ignorant stereotypes
Then I'm stereotyped and I believe I'm less,
a mess, and care less about myself.
But I learn to learn that people lie and the truth is another lie
So I define what is real by myself in order to end confusion by conflicting data

And friends I have a lot of, and drama I see a lot of
fixing their problems to somehow stop my hurt
as I ignore my problems and give attention to theirs
Names, labels, and words used to identify myself prove a false perspection of who am really am
I get called African-American more than smart, or loving, and caring
African American are called lazy, evil, and unremorseful
And I,..........
While it's not true for me but does create hatred in me for invisible oppression I see
I wake up to see the sun shine and began to smile because I see the sun shine.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Final page

AIDS kills and hurts as it is un prioritize as a fight
"Maybe because it affects Blacks more than whites"
I think as I become a statistics of rape
I'm clean because he was clean, I'm glad
Instead of self-pity, I'm myself
Why do I feel so weak, I think as I push weight ina gym, read a Bible, and eat right
Forever in meditation as a break
Jesus took 40 days, I'm taking a summer break
Thristing for a life I can't have so I'll drink alcohol
Life story written with blood spilled by myself because I am a voluntary victim
"Keep fighting untils it's over," I say
One day it'll be over, I hope
Forever I will fight, I know.
Survivor and endurance, I pray

Humble-ly saying,

Friday, March 18, 2005

Poetry Corner #1

I cry for the people I hurt
Black tears, black soul, dark heart
I fight off warmth with coldness as I embrace rudeness
I changed so much
The victim has created her victims enabling a repetitive circle of destruction
I must admit self-improvement is needed
while self-trueness must not be denied
A change of mentalities perhaps will do
Maybe I hope
(I must) break myself inorder to reconstruct
I control my life and when happiness comes, sadness follow
Proving for once and for all that I bring some of these things on myself
Self-harm can be intangible as I imperfectly strive for perfection
I get what I deserve, I say sadly
I get what I deserve, I say happily
As Karma and rewards are parallels shared in my life

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Who I am and what I believe

Lets me first began by saying who I am; I am a freshman in the University of Illinois-Urbana. I identify myself as Christians, African American, and a person that love people. Being a freshman in such a diverse university has allowed me the privilege to meet and befriend many types of people that I might have never met at home. The neighborhood in which I grew up in is not really diverse in race, social status, and was limited to different life outcomes; everyone shared the same mentality in which I brought a little to college with me. The major thing I have observed is that basically, people have the same set of the most basic mentality that is only affected by environment and experience. Example; when any person sees another person get seriously hurt that person who saw it would want to help, be in shock, or have a depressing change of emotion. But if the person who saw it is a person who sees this everyday and know that by helping that particular person would only harm themselves or their family that person may not help or show shock ness, but probably will feel that should not get involved and will stay out of the situation. Another person seeing the same thing for the first time out their life may become very traumatic and may view the previous person as a bad person because he/she themself may have lack of knowledge ofthe previos person's choice.

The same happens with the most controversial things like people's feelings of abortions. A person that willingly had sex, got pregnant, and accepted their situation may feel that people who are pro-abortion are mean and rude for not accepting the responsibilities as they, themselvess, have. But on the other side, if a 13 year old girl have been raped by her older male family member and have to live the high percentage of the baby coming out HIV positive, the girl may feel abortion is necessary and appropriate especially if the 13 year old is poor and have a horrific life. Her and her parents (who also cannot support another person) may decide abortion over giving the baby up for adoption, since their are so many kids placed in bad foster home and ends up homeless. So the first person is anti-abortion while the 13 year old and those who know of her situation become pro-abortion.

In both examples above, I believe that if both persons in both situations were/had the same experiences that maybe their feelings and reactions would be the same.